Prayer. Efficacious prayer. Prayer that moves mountains. Prayer that percolates up from the depth of my raw soul to the ears of God.
I want to pray “better.” I want a spiritual gift that would deepen my prayers, such as speaking in tongues. I want to hear His response, feel His presence … to connect with God as one.
I want to pray His words back to Him: “The righteous is delivered out of trouble… ” I don’t just want to say these words but have them come to pass. I want deliverance. I want God to hear my prayers and deliver me from my persecutors.
As I look at my dear father who sits in the same messy chair surrounded by his stuff, day after day, he seems to have not a care in the world. He has developed, over the decades “mind control.” This enables him to push thoughts out of his mind that would normally disturb him. He doesn’t acknowledge the existence of things he can’t do anything about.
I am the opposite: I pray about things I can’t do anything about. Evil things. Harmful things. Things out of my control. I do not seek to control my own mind but to empty my mind before God. I am burdening God with my burdens — by exchanging my burdens for His which are lighter.
I often fail at the moment at which His burden and my burden are exchanged. I pray the words, “Take this from me Lord; it’s too much … protect and deliver me,” and then doubt He will answer this prayer. I shouldn’t be like this. I should pray in confidence, knowing that He hears and answers. Always.
Why are you fearful, O you of little faith?
Good question. I’m fearful because I’m sinful. I’m fearful because I don’t have the spiritual maturity, yet, to completely trust God when a crisis occurs. I should be confident in Him right now, but I’m suffering needlessly instead. I should be full of joy no matter what my circumstances, but I’m vomiting because of tension. The past few weeks have been the worst of my life.
I passed the test, so far. I have been clinging to Jesus, begging him to rescue and deliver me. I turned to God, not in confidence, but reflexively. At least my faith has risen to this elementary level!
I did not pass the test of confidence in Him. That’s a level of faith I haven’t yet reached. Perhaps, if and when this trial ends, I’ll be stronger in Him, more confident.
Confidence is expressed in one way — inner peace. That peaceful trust in God. The peace that goes beyond human understanding. The peace that God leaves us.
Jesus: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
Lord, give me Your peace.